And the Morning After

I behaved last night. I really did! I seriously considered taking full advantage of the fact that we had a sitter and getting stupid wasted, making out with anyone who looked me in the eye and had less than 4 legs, buddying up in obscene ways to the pole that is usually in the middle of the dance floor, and spending the ride home flashing cars on the beltway in between puking in the back seat.

But this didn't happen. I only had 1 drink. Partially because I had to work at 8am today, and partially because I was concerned for the reputation of the band, knowing that I am somewhat associated to them since I am married to them. But mostly because I'm a good girl and I've never done anything like that in my life.

That being said, you would think from the way I've been acting this morning, that all that did happen.

I stupidly optimistically set my alarm phone for 6:15am. Usually I get to work at 7am on Saturdays and spend the first hour working out before we officially open. By "usually" I mean that I did it last Saturday. At 6:15 my incoherent mind decided my workout would be more productive if I did it at a more appropriate time. Like later.

I reset the alarm for 7:15 and forced myself out of bed. I had a pile of clothes I had thrown together the night before so I carried that downstairs so I could get ready without waking anyone up. I washed my face and dressed successfully. Then my mind decided it had had enough and went back to sleep while the rest of me tried to function like a normal person.

I got my pile of stuff together before remembering my bag was in the truck. So I took my stuff and piled it into the car. I went to get my bag out of the truck and realized -duh- I had forgotten to bring the truck keys out. So into the house I go, grab the truck keys and head out again. I get my bag out of the truck and put it in the car.

Then I realize that I don't have any cash (to buy water with because I'm a total water snob and can't drink fountain or unfiltered tap water. I know that according to these new studies this means that I'll end up with more wrinkles than a sharpei. Whatever.) or my driver's license because these were stuffed into the jeans that I wore last night. Which were now in my hamper in my bedroom. Knowing that the one day that I go driving without a license will be the one day that I get pulled over for some lame reason, I have to go in and get the license. Plus I really need cash for my water.

So back into the house again I go. I make my way in the dark to the bedroom, where my husband is sleeping (lucky!). I tiptoe to the hamper trying not to wake the dog, who would in turn wake the rest of the neighborhood with her wagging tail hitting the floor at lightning speed. Apparently I'm a bit of a slob because first I tripped over an empty gym bag that I had left out after considering using it again after forgetting to bring clean underwear twice this week. Once I recovered from that, I immediately stepped on a tupperware box full of my winter shoes that never quite made it downstairs for summer storage.

This produced a loud clatter. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my husband leap out of bed, probably fearing intruders like ninjas or Gremlins. I mumbled a quick sorry, dug the jeans out of the hamper and scurried away.

Actually now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I left the jeans on the couch in the living room. No wonder TB's nickname for me is Stop-and-Drop! I kind of am a slob.

Now for the third time I go outside. I get into the truck, put the keys in the ignition and turn around to start backing out of the driveway. And I see my car parked right behind the truck. In fact, I almost hit it.

Why the F was I in the truck? All my stuff was in the car, plus the truck was parked in! I always take the car to work. The truck is the only one of the two that has a car seat, so the rule is whoever has SB gets the truck.

I get out of the truck and into the car. I look around for my sunglasses. No, of course they're not in the car, they are sitting on the ledge in the bathroom, where I took them off last night. Stop-and-Drop strikes again! I elect not to go into the house again, put on TB's sunglasses, which are HUGE bug-eyed monstrosities that pinch my nose, and head to work.

At some point during my drive I had to slam on my brakes. Or maybe I just accelerated really fast. Or maybe I turned hard. I honestly don't remember, but whatever I did caused my badge (which I need to get into my building at work) to fly off its perch in the cubby hole near the radio and land under the seat next to me.

Since everything I do demands instant gratification, I immediately lean over and try to extract it from the recesses of Under the Seat. I'm not going to lie, I was a little worried about what I might touch while blindly groping around down there. Meanwhile, my car is swerving wildly as I try to steer with just my left hand while barely being able to see above the dash, since I'm leaning so far down towards the passenger seat. But I couldn't get it so I had to settle for trying once I arrived at work.

After parking, I walked around to the passenger side and moved the seat all the way forward, got the badge and continued into the building. I was halfway there before I realized that I didn't have any of my stuff with me. All I had were these bug-eyed glasses and my badge.

So back to the car AGAIN to get my bag and my lunch (whew, can't forget that!) then into work and on with my day. Hopefully at some point today my brain function will return and I'll be able to complete a task on the first try!