Where Did the Money Go?

I just finished running a few minutes ago. While I was running, a thought occurred to me. I took a paycut when I accepted my current job. The highest salary I ever earned was while I was working at a hospital, just before I had SB. I worked there for a year, almost to the day. If I hadn't quit, and I received a modest salary increase every year (I calculated 5% per year to be safe), then I would be making nearly $20,000 per year more than I make now. I spent the last 10 minutes just staring at the calculator. $20,000 is almost an entire salary in and of itself. It's almost like we would have a little high school grad in an entry-level job working and forking over the majority of his paycheck to us.

$20,000.

I try not to live in the past but WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?????? Why did I leave that job? What was I smoking and why didn't someone intervene??? I left that job 3 years ago. That's almost $60,000 that I would have that I don't. That's SB's college education right there. Thanks to me, she's not going to college now. Is that how much college costs these days? Probably more. Who knows.

$20,000.

I once had a goal to make more than the decade of my age. So, when I was in my 20's, my goal was to make in the $30,000's. Then when I was in my 30's, I was supposed to be making more than $40,000 and so on. I far exceeded that in my early 20's (what can I say, it was an easy goal). Now I fear that with my salary regression, I'll be making something in the teens by the time I reach my 30's!

$20,000!

Despite this cut in pay, I was feeling pretty good about my salary. Who in life seriously feels that they earn what they deserve? Very few, I'm sure. But I felt I was doing ok. My job has a lot of perks, like proximity to my house, flexible hours, etc., which was my justification for taking it in the first place. But now I'm not feeling so good about it anymore. I feel my salary is more than adequate for what I do. I am basically an administrative professional who wears sweats and teaches an aerobics class here and there. My job is cake. But I have the capacity and the desire to do more. And earn more. And feel better.

$20,000.

Nothing depresses me as much as money and politics. And cruelty to animals. And people. (Cruelty to people, that is; although people in general sometimes depress me too.) So on that note I'm off to complete the rest of my to-do list.

$20,000.....