The Spawn Returns

So The Spawn is in here right now. This time, she came in considerably earlier than before- I guess she walked in around 7pm. But she didn't change her clothes, she hobbled right up to the leg press machine, heaved herself onto it and went to town with all of 7.5 pounds of resistance.

Does it even go that low? I hope not.

I say she hobbled because she's limping around like a wounded buffalo. I ran into her on the main floor one day about a month or so ago and saw she had one of those boots on. You know what I'm talking about- those blue boots that people strap on when their injury doesn't warrant a hard cast. I'm sure they have a name, but seeing as how I just barely manage to escape needing medical attention every time I injure myself (which is frequently), I've never needed one.

She's not wearing it now, which disappoints me since I would kick her out of her faster than she could whip out her tail and stab me with the pointy end.

But the battle's on. It's 7:13 and she's the only thing standing in my way of leaving this Hellhole. I have a sinking feeling that she's going to draw out her lame and pointless workout until 7:31, at least, then complain that I was rushing her so I could close early.

A quick survey of the room told me that she's doing pelvic thrusts against the seat of the back extension machine. And by pelvic thrusts I mean standing behind the machine and repeatedly thrusting her lower lady parts area into the back of the seat of the machine. That's a new exercise. I wonder if she's trying to mate with it. Plant her seed. To produce the Spawn of the Spawn of Satan.(Note to self: disinfect back extension machine first thing in the morning. Or better yet, burn it.)

OMG now she's heading over to the rower. Seriously, the woman thing can hardly walk and she's going to row??

Oh, the agony. I swear, she does this on purpose. I must have been naughty recently, because this is certainly punishment. Why am I alone with her? Why didn't I bring my garlic and my cross?

OK, she's off the rower. I think she pulled back twice. Tough workout.

She hobbled over to the water fountain, glanced at a notice hanging above the fountain, and is now making her way back to her lover the back extension machine.

--Are you loving this play-by-play, by the way? It's all I can do to keep from throwing myself onto her back and stabbing her in the place her heart would be with a pen.

OK she's gone. And so am I.