A Wolf or a Sheep?

So if you read my last few posts, or if you are my friend on face book, you'd know about my obsession with Augusten Burroughs. It's no secret that he is my Infatuation Du Semaine. So it's only to be expected that today's post be about...well, him.

Not so much him specifically as the effect that he's had on my life. Well, not so much the effect he's had, but more his father, and the relationship (or lack thereof) that they had.

It took me about a day to finish Burroughs' most recent book, A Wolf at the Table. This is a memoir that focuses primarily on Burroughs' youth and living and dealing with his unemotive father, who is depicted as a pathetic excuse for a parent. Examples of his apathy toward his younger son include, but are not limited to: pushing Augusten away when trying to hug him upon his return home from work, killing off his guinea pig, getting him a baseball mit for his birthday, but refusing to play with him or even thinking of getting him a ball with which to use it, trying to drive the car, occupied by Augusten and himself, into a pole, and refusing to tell Augusten that he was a good son, after doing just that to his older brother, when on his death bed.

Yeah. So basically the guy's a creep. While reading any of Burroughs' books, my heart goes out to him completely because of his honesty and vulnerability. But this particular booked touched me in a different way.

Because a lot of the stories were told from a young child's perspective, it gave me some insight into how SB must see things.

Don't get me wrong- I most certainly do not neglect SB. She gets tons of attention from both parents. But I do value her "playing alone" time as well. And sometimes she finishes her alone time before I am finished with mine. So I put her off for a few minutes until I am ready to play.

But there is tons of play time. I know all her toys as well as, if not better than, she does. I can recite all the words to her favorite movies since I'm sitting right next to her watching them. I know all her silly dances and recognize if she's cranky because she's bored or tired. I take her to new places and on fun trips. And when there's nothing else to do, we're just stupid and silly together.

But this book has made me reconsider how I spend my time with her. Before, if there was housework that needed to be done, I'd park SB in front of the TV or set her up with her Play Doh so that she was occupied while I did it. It made sense to me: get her interested in something else so I can do what I need to do. But the housework is always going to be there, and I want her earliest memories to be of us doing things together.

So last night I assigned myself the fun task of spot-cleaning the carpet in the living room and staircase and scrubbing the kitchen floor. I turned the TV off, armed SB with her own towel (although she preferred to use baby wipes) and she worked in the kitchen while I worked on the carpet. Then we switched. This worked for a while, and she was chatting away the entire time about how clean the floor is, and telling me how to do it right.

Then, she got bored of doing her own thing, and started climbing on my back. I kept working, but tried to play with her at the same time. Once I finished my work and the floors were acceptably spotless and vacuumed completely, I washed my hands and read her a book. Then she took her bath and went to bed.

Today I didn't have to be at work until 11:30 so this morning I applied the same concept of living my life and doing my thing, but including her in everything I did instead of trying to juggle entertaining her and getting my work done.

Amazingly, last night and this morning were probably the nicest times I've spent with her in a long time. There was hardly any crying (on her part or mine!), no whining, no complaining, and best of all- no fighting, hitting, or saying no! I couldn't believe it. And I got stuff done. Without feeling like I was pushing SB away or neglecting her.

I can't wait for Burroughs to put out more books. I feel like I owe him a major thank you for putting me in the right mindset and realizing that kids understand what's going on, and remember things. Before it got too late.