Stupid Is As....I Did

OK so I did something really dumb today. I mean really dumb. I'm almost too embarrassed to admit what I did. Because it's really really really, well, just plain old stupid.

I know you're dying to hear.

Ok. But don't judge me.

Actually, go ahead and judge me. I don't blame you. I'm kind of judging myself right now. Although I am strangely pleased I'm still able to think of "S" titles for my posts on this here 17th day of September!

Ok, no more stalling. Here it is.

I sprayed mace in my fitness center.

Why? Because someone told me to.

In my defense, I didn't spray it at anyone.

Here's what happened:

I was sitting there bored out of my mind. My coworker Chris was sitting next to me eating yogurt. He's actually my director but you'd never know from the way we act. For lack of better things to do, I started rifling through my bag and came across the pepper spray that TB bought me for when I go running by myself outside. (In case you didn't know, we don't live in a very nice neighborhood.) Lately I've been carrying it to work with me since I get to the campus at 5am and there's no one in sight.

Anyway, I decided to show Chris this mace because it's kind of shaped funny. It's not just straight, like an inhaler. It's kind of curved and rounded. And it looks like...you know, a sex toy for women. Which I find amusing, because if someone made that mistake and...you know...started to play, then the end result would not be very pretty, most likely. And that strikes me as funny.

And as soon as I pulled it out, Chris commented about the similarity- before I even said a word. And that is why I love working with Chris. We think alike sometimes.

Anyway for some reason, I guess we were just that bored, he told me to spray it. I told him I never had and he told me to just do it. For some bizarre reason I obeyed and sprayed down towards the floor.

Now the only other time I've sprayed mace, it was a pathetic trickle where you would have to throw the intended victim on the ground, sit on him while straddling his head, pry his eye open and let the pepper liquid drip into his eye in order for it to be somewhat effective.

This time, it was a freakin fire extinguisher with a wild spray that went everywhere, then died down quickly.

Chris and I just sat there.

I asked if it was supposed to smell, because I didn't smell anything. And for some reason, I felt that pepper spray should smell. So I leaned forward into the general area where I had sprayed and took a big whiff. And immediately started coughing and gagging hysterically.

With tears streaming down my face and my throat on fire, I made my way to the opposite end of the gym, where I took cover and attempted to breathe normally.

Slowly, one by one, each person who was in the fitness center at the time started sneezing, coughing, hacking and gagging. Pretty soon, the entire place sounded like a smokers' convention in the middle of allergy season as the stench diffused through the room.

I felt horrible. When people made their way to the desk, towels covering their faces, and asked us desperately what happened, we said that I sprayed my pepper spray accidentally. I apologized a million times. Between coughs.