But I gathered up a group of my friends, including Maggie, Bucky, LPP, Bucky's ex-boyfriend who recently had surgery to fix a broken ankle and was on crutches, and his friend Chris. Our sitter couldn't get there until about 7pm so we really only made it for the last set. The band sounded great though, and there were some people dancing. A kind of reggae conga line ensued when they played "Is This Love," so I could tell the crowd was appreciative, if sparse.
I got offended when LPP claimed that I had more squishy on top of my hard than he did. Get your mind out of the gutter, we were talking about belly fat and hard abs. I made him poke me in the belly to feel my hard and I felt his. Granted, there was less squishy on top of his hard, but he's a boy so it's to be expected. But I still think my hard was as hard as his hard. But he didn't have to point that out! But I do have some hard and I felt compelled to make sure everyone in the immediate vicinity understood that, so I did spend a good deal of time calling out CAN YOU FEEL MY HARD? COME HERE AND FEEL MY HARD and thrusting people's fingers into my belly. I swear I wasn't drunk. Not even a drop of alcohol. This is why my friends who drink enjoy bringing me out with them- I act drunk even when completely sober. Like when I grabbed Kevin's crutches and leaned into them so that they held up my boobs, each crutch cupping its own broken pocket of fat and walked around the bar like that.
The exciting part of the night came after the gig. My friends and I went to a nearby bar to hang out. I was hoping for some dancing but apparently we didn't go to the right place for this because no one was really dancing. But there was one girl who caught our attention.
She was in her 20's, and looked completely out of it. I don't think she was just hammered, I think she had dabbled a little too much in the drugs. I first noticed her leaning against a railing overlooking some stairs, pulling her shirt up to just below her chest and tucking it in so her entire belly showed. She wasn't fat, but she had a lot of squishy, and not so much hard. But even if she was ripped, it was a weird thing to do in a bar. The next time I noticed her, she had unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, showing a glittery purple g-string (to which I commented loudly- OMG I have that exact same g-string...and I'm wearing it now, look!!...and proceeded to start to unbutton and unzip my own pants to compare).
I'm kidding.
The g-string I was wearing was pink and furry, not purple and glittery.
Kidding.
Really, I wasn't even wearing underwear.
Kidding!
Anyway, back to the story. So once her pants are down and her underwear is hanging out, she walked over to the wall next to where I was perched and proceeded to place both hands on the wall, stick her booty out and make her way up and down the wall like a stripper. It was not very pretty, but it was one of those things that you just had to watch. I couldn't look away, and I had a front row seat!
She danced around for a few minutes, then went back to her 2 guy friends she was hanging out with and started making out with one, so I lost interest.
Next time I noticed her, she was undoing her pants again and pulling them down so they were resting on her hips. Both the front and the back of her underwear were on full display. She was getting a lot of attention from just about everyone in the room. Security stepped in at this point, and I believe they dressed her, took her downstairs, deposited her in a cab and sent her on her way.
What I want to know is, who was she there with, and why were they not looking out for her? Where were her girlfriends? Or her friends?
Anyway, the night was awesome. I got home around 2am and had to be at work this morning at 8. Yes I am bored out of my mind, and yes I am hoping to sneak back into the assessment for a siesta and yes I'm hoping that the power goes out today and I can leave very soon because yes I am exhausted.
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