To Do

Because I know you're all battling the effects of major Bmore Mama withdrawal, and I don't really have much to say that's of any interest to anyone (particularly myself) these days, and because I am efficient and organized, I present to you my current "To Do Before NO Trip" list.

Enjoy.

1. Renew drivers license. This sounds like a fairly easy task, but I imagine they're going to have to take a new photo, and if you've ever seen my hair come out in full force, you would understand that I need to hire an entire professional staff to tame it enough to fit within the frame of the photo. Upon viewing my current license photo, the word golliwog comes to mind immediately.

2. Get birthday present for SB's friend. While we are away, SB will be attending a friend's 5th (I believe) birthday party at one of those Play Zone places where everything's padded and the kids can basically fling themselves wildly around the room with minimal risk of injury. Grandma (aka MIL) will be bringing her. Lucky woman...

3. Figure out the weather in NO and pack accordingly. I don't get out much.

4. Clean, vacuum, sanitize and censor our bedroom. Our one guest bedroom is currently (and eternally) my office so Grandma will be sleeping in our bed while we're away. Grandma is not nosy at all, don't get me wrong. But there was one incident where she tried to help out by folding laundry for me. My laundry. She folded. My. Thongs. I don't like people touching my thongs in general (unless they're on me {snark})but who folds thongs in general??? How does one even fold a thong?

5. Prepare myself emotionally for turning 30. The actual event itself will occur once I'm in NO, preferably in a drunken state of numbness. But I still have to prepare myself for this whole new decade I'm entering. I still feel young, and certainly act juvenile enough, so I'm still kind of in denial. But I will be coming back a 30 year old, regardless of how I feel about it.

6. Panic. This is the first time we will ever be leaving SB overnight. And it's over 3 nights. While we're in another state. That is not reasonable driving distance. I miss her already.

7. Buy food. Something tells me Grandma is not as obsessed with organic pizza bites and Fiber One bars as I am. Something tells me she will want some real food in the house.

8. Take SB to dance class Wednesday evening. Nothing really special about this, besides the fact that it's hysterical. But it's something I have to do before we go so it gets a spot on the list.

9. Attend SB's preschool Halloween party on Thursday. See respective Halloween costumes below. I'm wondering if the adult costume comes with the Pamela Andersoon boobs or if I have to purchase them myself. I'm trying to get Grandma to dress up as well so there will be 3 generations of Wonder Woman...kind of like a past, present, future thing, but for some lame reason, she's not interested...




SB's costume, cute as it is, actually is really short in the back- so much that you can see her underwear when she just stands there. I don't know if I ever mentioned her boyfriend Sam, but I don't want him to get the wrong idea about her based on this costume....

10. Buy books for the trip. I am finishing up Barrel Fever by David Sedaris, probably tonight. I heart David Sedaris. If you haven't read any of his writings, and you enjoy witty, dry sarcastic disturbingly honest recollections of homosexuals' dysfunctional upbringings and adult life, then you will love his stuff. This is the first book of his that I've read that contains fiction, and this stuff is wild. My favorite so far is the Christmas letter (really- is there anyone out there who can actually stand Christmas letters? I make fun of every single one I receive relentlessly until my husband pushes me away and tells me to shut up. He actually tries to hide them from me so he doesn't have to go through all that) that describes how the bastard child her husband conceived while stationed in Vietnam who shows up at their doorstep and invades their house as if it was her own and ends up putting their baby in the washing machine and dryer.

Anyway.