Lazy Perfectionist

I have figured out my biggest flaw. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking Flaw? Bmore Mama, you are completely and utterly flawless. You must mean you've figured out what has to be your most endearing quality. No, fair reader...I am obligated to share the ugly ugly truth with you. I have a flaw. And here it is.

I am a lazy perfectionist. There is no doubt in my mind that I am a perfectionist. I am very competitive, I strive to do my best in every situation. My appearance must be completely polished at all times. My skin must be perfectly clear with every hair in place. My clothes must be in top condition with nary a wrinkle of which to speak. And every sentence out of my mouth must be well-thought, perfectly articulated, and exceedingly witty. My workouts must be consistent and tough. The classes I teach must be equally entertaining and challenging. My house must be in perfect order, with no dishes in the sink, no crumbs on the table and no white toothpaste residue in the bathroom sink. A ring around the bathtub is preposterous, and dog hair in the corner of the kitchen floor is a felony.

Definitely Type A personality coming through here. You'd think I was a neurotic nut with her life completely in order and everything always works out just fine.

But here's where the lazy part of all that comes in. I want and expect for all the above to occur in my life, as described. But I'm too lazy to do anything to actually ensure it.

I'm so low maintenance that it's impossible to achieve all that stuff about looking perfect. The way I see it, you people who see me on a daily basis are lucky that I brush my teeth consistently. My hair is always pulled back into a messy updo- so much so that it actually hurts when I let it down. I want to and expect to look good, and have a clean house, but I'm too apathetic (read: lazy) to do anything about it. Yet it frustrates me that I don't meet my own expectations.

Am I making sense?

Here's the perfect example of what I mean. The past few days have been really rough for me. No, my husband and I are not having problems ((big grin)) but there has been some other stuff going on my life that has really gotten me down. Can't really talk about it here, but I have been very bummed out recently. On Monday, just before I taught step class I found out more stuff that made it even worse (am I being vague enough here for ya? Sorry...). So I spent the entire warm up of the class just trying not to cry. And I'm not a big crier.

So, my little way of dealing with this self-critical and difficult time in my life is to renew my dedication to exercise and try to physically remove the morose feelings by sweating them out. So on Monday I killed my class by working them extra hard. I actually considered not stopping halfway through the class to allow them a drink break, like I usually do, but they were all so obviously struggling by that point that I felt I had to. I woke up extra early this morning to come in and do a grueling leg work out that would definitely take my mind off things, but got here and got distracted by face book and a funny picture of a homeless guy with a sign that said "I'm like Obama...I want change" and completely forwent the workout.

See what I mean? I can't live up to my own expectations. Which, admittedly, are high. But that's my problem. My one character flaw. It certainly affects me more than it affects other people, but it makes life very difficult for me. Because now I feel like I failed because I didn't work out. Even though I'm still hard core because I have a workout planned for later this morning with a member, then I'm hoping to get a run in tonight. We'll see if these actually happen.