Picture Perfect

I have 2 posts on the backburner that I have started, but just don't really feel like finishing right now. One is about a book I finished last week, called Broken, and the other is a recap of the Swing Dance event TB played on Saturday night, where LPP made a guest appearance and my back hurt from dancing so much. Hopefully I'll get the motivation to finish those up and post them. We'll see.

Yesterday was a busy day. We're not a huge portrait family. I just can't justify spending all that money for a picture. But my mother's only request for a Christmas present this year was a portrait of the family, so we felt compelled to oblige her. Since this was all last-minute, and I had no idea how long it takes to get the photos back after the appointment, I was excited to find on Saturday that there was an opening the next day (yesterday).

So we got all dressed up, which was an event in and of itself. I wear sweats all the time at work. It's been a while since I wore any pants that aren't jeans or leggings. After much searching and digging, I settled on a pair of Old Navy khakis and found a sweater that didn't make me look like a linebacker, and was happy.

The dress that I had planned on SB wearing, was a sleeveless dress that goes on top of a turtleneck. Of course, since I do laundry on Sunday, there were no clean turtlenecks. I like to dress SB for comfort since she's all over the place, so there wasn't much available that was suitable for a family portrait. So I had to settle on her Christmas card photo outfit- dark red corduroys and a white sweater.

But that just screwed everything up. I was wearing a cream sweater, and I knew that my cream next to her white would look awkward. PLUS TB had already gotten dressed in khakis and a maroon shirt. So now between the 3 of us, we had 2 shades of white, 2 shades of khaki, and 2 shades of dark red.

Great.

TB's only other clean shirt had a huge stain on the right nipple (wtf, is he lactating?) so changing wasn't an option for him. SB didn't have any other clean clothes that were presentable, so changing wasn't an option for her. I am pretty sure I didn't have any other pants that fit, so those had to stay. But I was agreeable to changing into a green argyle sweater at the last minute, thus sticking to our lame "Christmas" theme.

At the studio, the photographer was running about 30-45 minutes late. Or so we thought. Sitting in the waiting room, begging our 3-year old to remain calm and not tear the entire place apart, we witnessed the photographer asking his staff is anyone else was waiting. Eagerly, we sat up straighter, only to see the staff shake their heads no. Taking a second to look up from the lollipop she was sucking on, the front desk girl (whose shirt was a good 3 sizes too small for her, creating a puffy life preserver of fat that settled over the waistband of her 2 sizes-too-tight pants) must have noticed my jaw hitting the floor because, shifting her lollipop over to the side of her mouth, she asked me if we were waiting.

I nodded so vigorously my earring fell off. The photographer beckoned us back while the Life Saver girl apologized, saying she thought we had already had our photos taken. I guess she thought we just chose to stay around for the atmosphere.

So we go back there, and the photographer, Paul, tries to make friends with SB by telling her he's a grandpa, meanwhile trying to make friends with me and TB by telling us he recently had hernia surgery. He puts us in a variety of poses, including:

-TB straddling me while I straddled a fur-covered stool, with SB sitting on his leg
-Us standing and holding SB in between us
-All of us sitting on the stained white bedsheet/curtain trying not to gag on the smell
-Above photo with SB laying in front of us, playboy style
and my favorite
-All of us laying on our backs, with our heads in a circle (a pose he admitted he had never tried with adults)

After the photos had been taken, we were lead to a computer where we were presented with our options, including one where the photo was made into a 4x8" card with the words "Class of 2009" next to our lovely mugs. We chose the two most conservative shots (which were conveniently the 2 shots where I looked the best) and placed our order. After politely declining Life Saver's offer of a $159 package that included a variety of sizes but only 1 8x10, expressed only AFTER we announced that all we wanted were 5 8x10s, we headed out.

To see Santa.

Which will be its own post. Later.