Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Beethoven Crap

A few weeks ago I got a new phone. This one is pretty cool, it has a touch screen on top (never mind that my pocket has mistakenly called at least a dozen people...some of which I haven't spoken to in months!), and opens up for quick texting (have I mentioned I'm a texting fiend? Although now I feel like I have manhands because I'm always pressing the wrong keys).

Anyway. My old phone was very personalized. Because I have large pockets of time when I'm supposed to be watching SB, and she has large pockets of time where she doesn't want anything to do with me, but gets upset the minute I leave, I play with my phone a lot.

My old "default" ring was Flo Rida's "Low". If TB called, it was James Brown's "Get Up Offa That Thing", because that's totally something he would say, and has said, to me. If Bucky called, it was They Might Be Giants' "Snail Shell" (I was mad at her the day I assigned it and this was the closest thing to mean I could find or liked to hear 20 times a day when she calls). Maggie's ring tone was "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas.

Bucky and TB had their own text message alerts too. If anyone but them texted me, I would hear someone say "Is that a text message or are you just happy to see me?" It cracked me up every time. If TB texted me, it was a recording of a kid's monotone voice from Sesame Street saying "Dorothy, this is how I walk my dog.......come on, girl" only the last part was said in a very depressed manner, like the girl was leading the dog straight to the grave. Kind of an inside joke. And texts from Bucky were announced with her own voice saying "Whatever, you don't know".

I rarely had to even look at my phone in order to know who was trying to reach me. Oh- and my picture message alerts went back and forth between a really annoying trumpet call and my dog barking.

One day Bucky visited me at work. I was in the main office and away from my desk, leaving Bucky alone with some really annoying woman we refer to as The Intern. She has since accepted a position working for the same company, but she will forever be The Intern in my mind. Anyway, she was sitting at my desk and I got a text message, so my phone said either "Is that a text message or are you just happy to see me?" or "Dorothy, this is how I wwwalk my dwwooooog" in a thick Brooklyn accent. Regardless, Bucky watched as The Intern picked up my phone and opened it up!!

OMG!! Bucky confronted her, and The Intern said something about us having the same phone so she thought it was hers. HELLO?? Her phone talks to her? No! Most phones have a beep or something. Admittedly, we did have the same phone, but she also had some retarded cover on hers. So it's not like they even really looked alike. Plus hers wasn't even on MY desk, it was somewhere in her bag. Besides, she was annoying, who'd be texting her, anyway?

That was all beside the point. And what was the point? Oh yeah, my phone is very unique in its noises, and I spend much time making it that way.

This new phone hasn't been as easy to customize. So far, my default ring is Iko Iko. No one has personalized rings yet. I did find the "Is that a text message...." text alert, so that's back on it. But TB and Bucky don't have personalized text alerts yet. So I'm still in the process.

The night I added those two tones, I was just sitting there at home minding my own business when my phone rang. I got up to get it, but it immediately stopped ringing. So I sat back down. A minute later it rings again. This time it keeps going.

Upon answering, I was immediately greeted by Bucky yelling "WHAT THE F IS THAT?" I had no idea what she was talking about.

"THAT MUSIC...WHAT THE F IS IT, IT'S HORRIBLE"

I stammered around for a minute before assuming she meant my new Iko Iko ring tone, and started to defend Iko Iko since it's such a happy song. But she kept yelling something about classical music and I realized at the same time that she was calling me from her car, and therefore could not hear my phone ring.

After several moments of confusion, during which Bucky was ranting nonstop about the
"Beethoven crap" my phone was spitting out at her, I hung up. I texted TB and asked him to call my cell phone (because apparently I'm incapable of picking up my house phone and dialing out) and tell me what he hears. I hear Iko Iko and ignore it, then a minute later I get a text saying it's Vivaldi. Specifically, the Four Seasons.

Apparently at some point I somehow not only got a ring back attached to my phone, but I also, of all things, got all or part of the Four Seasons. From what TB sang to me later, it was Spring, which is my favorite anyway.

But still! I don't know how it got there, or how to get rid of it. I'm too lazy to contact Verizon regarding this, and too apathetic to care what people hear when they call me. The only time I call my own phone is when I check my messages from work, and the phone is turned off anyway so it goes right to voice mail.

Bucky has told me that the Beethoven Crap makes her want to call me less. So far she hasn't really followed through with that threat.

Oh well.

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