Dance Star

I've had some really lousy luck the past few months, and my method of dealing with these heavy situations and emotions is to take full advantage of the effects of retail therapy. Since the idea of trying on clothes depresses me, I got a kickass cool phone with a data plan, GPS and unlimited texting, a new car with bluetooth and satellite radio (didn't have much of a choice with the car since I totaled my last one, but the addons were optional), and splurged on a couple of workout DVDs and some other stuff.

One of my splurges was to enroll my ungraceful self in ballet lessons.

Are you finished laughing yet? No? It's ok, I'll wait.

Now? Good. I took ballet for many years as a youth. We moved around a lot, but I pretty much took lessons on and off between moves from the time I was 3 until I was 16. At that point, I begged my mother to let me continue jazz and tap but drop ballet. I likened myself to the dancing hippos from Fantasia's Dance of the Hours.

But I chose to enroll in this class for several reasons:

• As a working mother of 2 young-uns, I need some alone time


• I could use some flexibility


• I could use some gracw and poise


• I'm in love with SB's dance teacher and she teaches the adult ballet class on the one evening that I could actually take it!


• Dancers are hot.

Nuff said.

So I've gone twice so far. I'm doing pretty well in the class, but holy moly, let me tell you that those mirrors are HELLACIOUS. Now, I'm no hot mama quite yet, but I thought I was doing pretty well in the get back to a normal human female non-whale shape department. That confidence was completely shattered when I glanced in the mirrors in class. The person I saw staring back at me was a short, squat, butternut squash with a ponytail and legs. Short, stubby legs. That jiggled a lot.

The good thing is that I didn't have to look in the mirror long, because my barre was at the opposite end of the room and we do a lot of stuff facing the barre so my back was to the mirror. But then one of the last things we do are sautes (jumps) right in front of the mirror.

I almost cried. The butternut squash was made of Jell-o!! OMG. I have never seen anything so disgusting in my entire life. Well, maybe this. Actually, that's kind of what I looked like, only less scantily clad. Well actually, not really since I was in dance class. OK that's really video from my dance class.

Anyway.

So yeah. Now I'm really motivated to buckle down and lose the rest of my Pearl whale weight. I started the plan by consuming only half a panini at lunch today instead of a whole one! Not that it was by choice...but it's a start!

Here's hoping that by the time I go to the Grammies, I'm back to the normal flounder of a person I was before.

Hint, hint.

You know who you are.

Call me.

Peace out.