Tuesday, June 23, 2009

You Snooze...

...you lose.

At least, that's my motto.

For some reason I've started to get very irritated lately whenever TB falls asleep on the couch. At first, I would just get grumpy. Then, I started making SB pound on his chest and yell "WAKE UP, DADDY!!" Then I resorted to taking photos of him with my cell phone and sending them to all my friends, including him.

But now that's not enough.

So be aware. If you do this:

Then I will do this.

Where To Begin?

So....I've been busy lately. My husband calls it nesting. I call it making sure the baby has a bed to sleep in and clean clothes to wear. In addition to all the work around the house that I've been doing, it's also the end of the year for dance class, the start of the family fun season, and the start of the busy season for my husband. So here's a recap, in no particular order, of what we've been up to.

A few weeks ago, we went to Cascade Lake. This is a big smelly lake in Hampstead. We paddle boated around for all of 15 minutes then headed off to the "splash pad" to let SB get wet and wild. Which she did. TB even joined in the fun.


Our next adventure was a trip to some farm who took all the scenes from what used to be the Enchanted Forest. It was here that I got to take a creepy photo of my child peering out from the eye socket of a giant face.


Then last Monday we took a trip to Dutch Wonderland. This was exciting.
First, SB entertained us all with an interpretive dance in her "kini".


Then, TB knocked over all of the blocks that were sitting on a platform, and won SB a giant banana, who was subsequently named Mr. Banana. SB insisted on carrying him around the park herself. He now spends his days in the living room and his nights in the corner of SB's bedroom.


Then, being the awesome mom/wife that I am, I made my family do this. You can tell by the look on TB's face that he was thrilled to take part.


Since I am about the size of a whale who just ate another whale, and is bloated as a result, the number of rides/attractions I could take part in was limited. They actually had signs posted in front of a lot of rides that looked a lot like this. Except there was only one pregnant lady, and she wasn't quite as naked...or droopy.

Coincidentally, I stole that photo off the internet, but I can tell you that it was a photo of the back of a packet of Accutane tablets. I went on Accutane twice and am a total slob, so there were little "no pregnant women" labels everywhere in my apartment. I found it quite amusing.

Anyway, since I was pretty much forced to stand around a lot while TB and SB were on rides, I made friends with this guy. We spent a lot of time together. I felt that we got pretty close, but he would never tell me exactly what he was doing with his left hand.


Next we headed over to the Howard County Relay For Life event, where The Band was playing. Here, SB got her face painted.


After they finished playing, SB went up on stage to help her dad pack up, which I thought was cute, so I took some photos. Later, as I was going through them, noticed this one with some random dude in a sequined dress standing in front of them. Only in Baltimore.


Then was SB's dance recital. This will probably be its own post later on, but I had to throw up a couple of really cute photos.
My little ballerina.


And a not-so-great shot of the Father-Daughter dance. There will be video coming, but not for another month or so. I'm not sure why the little girl in the middle doesn't have a father at this point.


The last of our exciting couple of weeks was me getting a flat tire on the way home from the Bay Cafe on Sunday night. We (me & SB) waited on the side of 83 for about 15-20 minutes until TB could get there to change the flat. A police officer in an unmarked Infiniti had pulled over with me (he was the one who told me, because at this point I still was just thinking I was having problems driving straight) but couldn't stay. Something about a gun shot victim he needed to tend to.

Once TB got there, he put the donut on for us, which was no easy feat considering he had lost a contact lens on the way. With nothing better to do with myself, I decided to take a photo to chronicle the event.

Like you would expect any less at this point.

So of course, I sent that picture to several of my girlfriends, thinking they would reply with concerned comments about us being stuck with a flat late on a Sunday night with a 3-1/2 year old. But all they did was comment on his ass.

I think that pretty much brings you up to date with me. This weekend looks promising as well, with 2 gigs in DC, one in Catonsville, and my father and his crew coming to visit.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Rick James, See-Through Bathing Suits and My Water Breaking

Yes, you can see all three of these at my new gym!

Let me explain.

I joined a local commercial gym because I decided that, as I enter the final 10 weeks of pregnancy, doing things like walking and teaching step classes hurt my peepee. To the extent that it feels like someone spent a good 30 minutes roundhousing me in the crotch. And I mean that not in a kinky way, but in a martial arts way. So I decided to spend a few sessions a week swimming, which would ideally provide me with a good cardiovascular workout (trying not to drown) without all the wear and tear on my poor lady parts. Because they'll be going through enough in 9.5 weeks anyway.

The whole bathing suit ordeal is another post altogether. So fast forward to me, doing my best whale in a skirted one-piece imitation at the pool. I decided this time around not to worry too much about coordinating my breathing with everything else, because the last thing I need to be doing is hyperventilating or drowning. So I just grab a kickboard and kick away, back and forth.

I was kicking away last night, when the door from the men's locker room opened up and slap me with a trout if that wasn't Rick James standing there in his tight swimming briefs. Well, ok, maybe Rick James is dead and this wasn't exactly him. But it was his long lost twin brother, at best.

Maybe just a little shorter. And almost naked.

And with more of a long fro than jheri curl. But it still looked just like him!

Anyway, I went back to kicking up and down my lane. Both Rick and I were not in the best of shape, swimming-wise (at least I have an excuse), and we both stopped kind of frequently at the shallow end to catch our breath.

During one break, I looked around and noticed a few of the older ladies (by "older" I mean anywhere from late 40's to early 70's) who had been in the whirlpool when I first got there were now chatting on a bench near the entrance. One older lady in particular (who was on the younger end of the older lady age spectrum noted above) was wearing a lima bean colored one-piece bathing suit. Which, in and of itself, was not notable.

But the fact that when she dropped her towel, I saw that it was COMPLETELY SEE THROUGH, was. Since she was sitting, I didn't see anything below her waist (thank goodness) but I could completely make out what her entire breast looked like, including how big and how dark her nipple was.

Waaaaaaaaay tmi.

I tried very hard not to look in her general direction for the remainder of my workout. After I left, I wandered into the locker room to change into dry clothes (I was going to shower at home). As I was reaching into my locker to pull out my bag of clothes, I felt something dripping down my leg.

Now, I know I was wet from the pool, but this was a more forceful drip. Almost like I was peeing on myself. But I knew I wasn't peeing. And it wasn't letting up! Immediately I freaked out, thinking my water broke while I was in the pool and I didn't notice it.

I looked down and eventually realized that the water was coming from the stupid little skirt they put on the ugly maternity bathing suit. Somehow it had collected there, and was dripping down my leg.

It was an interesting night at the pool, I look forward to more "Stories from the Gym".